Early this year Youth 412 Media needed equipment to start with its production work, and I prayed and prayed until I got a conviction from the Lord to sell my mixer. I had tried selling it at a Cash Crusaders a year earlier, but they had offered me just R700 for it, which was not worth it. The first time I had tried selling it on my own volition but this time I believed it was God who had told me to sell, so I went to another Cash Crusaders, and I prayed to God to receive R1500 for the mixer because it would be enough to buy some important equipment. I was so anxious but by a miracle they gave me that exact amount without me even asking for it and I knew that it was God, I was so excited, I thanked the Lord and had a testimony! But early in the morning during my devotion I start feeling guilty and then I opened my bible, which directed me to the story of Annanias and Saphira... But for this to make sense, first, let me give you some context
In 2018 I bought the mixer, but it mostly stayed in the box unused - I did use it for some podcast episodes, but it had little use and selling it had failed on more than one occasion. 2023 January, I decided to go full-time in ministry with Youth 412, which then made Youth 412 a full-time ministry, I then told the team that I will donate the mixer to Youth 412 to help with the work we are doing. 2024 I burn out and crash, Youth 412 becomes a part-time ministry. 2025, God brings me back and reassures me that Youth 412 is my full-time ministry, however, because it was operating on a part-time basis and on a different premise, we had to create Youth 412 Media (as a spinoff) which would be a full-time operating ministry - this would create a distinction between part time and full time work and also allow for me to fulfil the original mission and vision the Lord had impressed in my heart about Youth 412 as a media ministry.
Right after Youth 412 Media was established, I quickly realised it would need some equipment so we can start creating content. So, the sale of the mixer was going to fund Youth 412 Media. But after I received the money, the guilt came to me because in 2023, I had said I'd donate it to the ministry and randomly opening the text about Annanias and Saphira didn't help one bit. So, I prayed and asked for forgiveness, took the money and sent it to Youth 412. In that moment, I felt like I had made a huge sacrifice, I was sad, but then I felt good about myself, I had a sense of pride in myself that I was honest and had done the right thing. But it should've been at that moment where I recognised that this was the work of the devil! He had played me.
Firstly, that decision took away the testimony of the miracle I had witnessed of how God had provided for the ministry and turned a R700 offer into R1500. I could not testify about it afterwards. That is what the devil likes to do, he does not want us to have a testimony about Jesus, because if we do, then it increases our faith and dependence on Him. That is why the bible identifies God's people as those who have and hold "their testimony about Jesus" (Rev 12:17) - those who know Him and those who have an experience with Him. And the worst part is that God was not glorified from that situation, in fact I'm the one who got glory for doing the 'right thing.'
Secondly God doesn't speak through guilt - guilt and shame are the devil's ammo - guilt and shame pushes us from God, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so, I hid." (Gen 3:10). See, guilt makes us fear the wrath of God and think by our own efforts that we can fix the situation or hide our shame. That is partly why I felt good after sending the money to Youth 412, I had corrected my wrong and removed my guilt, it was done. On the contrary, the Spirit of the Lord convicts our hearts and chastises us, basically it calls us out when we have done wrong "Then Nathan said to David, 'You are the man!'" (2 Sam 12:7). The nature of guilt is very self-focused, it's about Me! You look at yourself, how dirty you are, what you can do to fix things and pushes you away from God. Conviction on the other hand points us to Jesus, it recognises our wrong but it is not about us, "I have sinned against the Lord" (2 Sam 12:13) hence we are not driven away from the Lord but we move towards Him, we do not look to ourselves to right the wrong but we look to His blood to cleanse us and His righteousness to dress us.
Thirdly, the story of Annanias and Saphira is about how they stole from God for their personal gain but this sale was not for me, it was for the ministry, and it was technically for the same full time ministry I had made the initial pledge to. It is very possible to be mislead by scripture when we read it out of its context, leading us to misinterpreting what God wants us to do. So, we must read God's word prayerfully with discernment.
Finally, that decision set the ministry back by many months, had that equipment been bought it would have launched the ministry but instead I got stuck in this loop of anger and disappointment with God, for not providing for the ministry and it affected my relationship with Him. So, God's work was delayed and my relationship with Him became shaky... I believe it's very evident that the only beneficiary from this decision was the devil. That is why it's important for us to discern God's will by asking ourselves if God will be glorified through that decision or if it benefits the kingdom of darkness. Yes, it may not be easy to tell at times, but His will can be determined by His way - meaning that we look at how it has to happen and where it'll lead, if it doesn't resemble Christ then no matter how good it seems, it is not the right thing to do.
I do not want to be played by satan again! I am praying for discernment, a deeper knowledge and understanding of God's will, a heart that is inclined to God's will and ears that are sharpened to hear the real voice of God. I pray the same for you too.
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